Someone told me today that I make them feel good about themselves, and honestly, it’s the best compliment I can think of. I try my very best not to judge people. I always tell myself that I don’t know the other person’s story and why someone is a certain way. I try to look for good in people and give them benefit of the doubt for as long as I can. And I try to see past the facade and into their soul. So when someone tells me that talking to me cheers them up because it helps them love themselves when they’re almost hating themselves, it justifies my efforts and faith in the goodness of humanity.
I wasn’t always this way though. I was fairly self-absorbed and arrogant. I used to think that I was somehow better than everyone else around me. Then life leveled the playing field and showed me just how easy it was to lose all that I held so important. I have undergone life-altering transformation in the last several years and humility is one of the many things I’ve learnt. Now I understand that I’m not entitled to anything and I should be thankful for whatever it is that I do have.
Going back to the conversation I referenced earlier, the reason this person was feeling so disappointed in themselves was because someone else told them how flawed they were. This other person is romantically involved with my friend, and the latter thought this might spell the end of their relationship. My friend went on to add, “I feel responsible for this. I am so immature. [The other person] is so sensible and perfect. I want this to work out. I wish I met [them] at a different time when I was more mature”. This reminded me of something I had read a while ago, and which I repeated to my friend – there is no such thing as the right person at the wrong time.
I believe in that statement whole-heartedly. When we meet the right person, everything automatically becomes right, or we find ways and courage to make them right. Even when it seems impossible, the Universe shows us the way and should we follow, gives us the courage to carry on. Of course, the decision lies with us and we can choose to travel a path other than the one the Universe is guiding us down. But that does not make the other person wrong for us or the timing inconvenient; it makes us wrong for the other person. The way we deserve to find a love that is powerful and special, the other person also deserves to find the same kind of love. If our love does not have the power to move, it is not strong enough and the other person is better off without it. So if you ever find yourself wishing that you met someone at another time, think again. Chances are they’re either not as perfect as you think they are or that you never really tried hard enough.
In my friend’s case, it is the former – the other person is not all that my friend has made them out to be. The other thing about the right person is that they don’t make you feel bad about yourself. Everyone has flaws, and everyone is constantly changing. Sometimes the change is deliberate as part of a conscious effort to better oneself. Other times the change is subconscious. We are continually getting influenced by our surroundings, by the experiences we have and by the people we share these surroundings and experiences with. All these aspects keep shaping and reshaping our personalities. Sometimes we can even change fundamentally, like I did. When we are with the right person, we become aware of our flaws in a way that doesn’t hurt or embarrass us but makes us want to work on them. And the right person helps us in the process and doesn’t make us feel horrible about who we are; the right person accepts us for who we are.
Quite simply, we become a better version of ourselves when we meet the right person. That means two things. One, we are good to begin with and this person recognizes that. This person doesn’t lay down conditions for them to be able to love us. Remember, if someone cannot love you for who you are today, they definitely don’t deserve to be loved by you. Second, the right person has a positive influence on us so that we go from good to better, not good to bad or remain stagnant at good. There is no such thing as perfect and life is just a pursuit of the unattainable for those who are seeking perfection. The right person encourages us to pursue it nonetheless, and not by saying anything but simply by being who they are. Being with them makes us want to be better, it makes us better. People in toxic relationships almost always end up angry at the whole world or depressed.
What my friend is undergoing could be a potentially toxic situation because it led to hurt and sadness. But I don’t know the entire conversation and I don’t know the exact context for it. Maybe this person does accept my friend for who they are and pointing out their flaws was intended to be an innocuous gesture to help them grow. If that is the case, they will have to talk and find a way that is not offensive to my friend. Or maybe this person will keep agonizing my friend with constant taunts and nagging, using it to shift blame when necessary. In this situation my friend will have to get out of this caustic relationship at once. Only time will tell where the chips fall but I wish nothing but happiness for my dear friend.